christopher "jordan" ballard

My precious baby, I know you didn't like it when I called you my baby, you'd always say "I'm not a baby, I'm a boy", by which I would say "you'll always be my baby, even when your married, with kids and grandkids, you'll still be my baby". But that day will never happen now will it? There is so much I want to say but how do I put them down here in this small spot? You know when you would tell me I love you and I would say I love you to, you'll never know how much? Well, something tells me you know now. You are everything to me Jordan, my life, my world, the apple of my eye and I don't know how I can be expected to go on without you. I am trying to come to terms with your leaving, I really am trying, but the hurt is more than I can bare. You left without warning, there were no goodbyes. One minute you were here eating a bowl of cereal and watching your brittney spears video, and the next minute you were gone. This isn't how it was suppose to be. You were suppose to eat me out of house and home, date, get a drivers liscence, a first car, graduate from high school, play football or basketball. fall in love, get married, I was supposed to dance with you at your wedding, and get that call that your wife was in labor meet us at the hospital mom. I was suppose to watch you grow up,and you were suppose to place a rose in my hand at my viewing. I was suppose to go on ahead of you and wait for you to join me. But on March 20, God had other plans. I'm sorry that I grounded you the week before, if I hadn't, then maybe you would have been at a friends house playing instead of wondering down to the ditch. But how was I suppose to know? I was just trying to teach you right from wrong so that you would keep being the good boy that you were and honey,you were good, I couldn't have asked for a better son. I am so very proud to call you my son. I remember after you went to heaven, your friends would be in the neighborhood and I would hear them say,"theres Jordans mom", the first time I heard that I thought "I am Jordans mom arent I " thats why my email is jordans mom. Your daddy and I are heartbroken. He was so looking forward to you starting karate. After you went to heaven a little boy came in the store with a karate outfit on and your daddy just lost it. He cried all the way home from work. I know you dont like it when you see me cry all the time, but what do I do? I cry because I miss you so much because I don't know how to live a life without you in it. You were such a big part of our lives and I guess thats why we feel so lost, why we cry so much, why we hurt so much. There is a big whole where my heart use to be, you took it with you when you went to heaven. I cant wait for the day when I can come and retrive it. Then you and I will never have to be apart ever again. Thankyou sweetie for your strength,your compassion,humor,thoughtfulness,caring,good nature,your love. Oh honey thankyou for everything, for the best years of my life and they were, they really were. You gave so much to be so young. I wish I could go back in time, I would never have let you out that day. I would have just held onto you so tight that if God had to figure out another way to call you home he would of had to take me also. I love you sweetie, with every breath in me and everywhere I am, there youll be.

Forever, Love Mommy, Daddy and Stephanie.